This is a question the young ‘eligible’ unmarried adults get asked once they cross a ‘certain’ age (at least in India). This question has been around for generations and never seems to get old. Most times they’re awkward, maybe sometimes they leave the young adults in abashment. Although they could often be annoying, with an evident unsolicited match-making intent.

Although the definition of marriage has remained the same, its meaning over time has changed. In the Indian context for example, categorizing marriages are ‘love marriage’ or ‘arranged marriage’ seems like a narrow perception if we go by the definition and history of love marriages and arranged marriages in India. An arranged marriage follows a process of marriage where there is match-matching by relatives, friends, acquaintances of the parents of the groom/bride, matrimonial guides, sites or priests. After the bride and groom meet, there is a courtship period. In the case of Hindus, horoscopes (and caste) are matched and considered crucial. Love marriages are ones where two consenting adults fall in ‘love’ and decide to get married.

Although the concept of a ‘love’ marriage seems pretty straight-forward, historically it was looked down upon in India and in some cases not allowed by the family and even considered dishonourable. This still exists in some regions of India. Eloping became common in love marriages at a point of time.

But what is marriage without love? Yes, one can fall with their spouse after marriage. Yes, couple united by ‘love marriages’ get separated too. The reverse is true as well, where love marriages last forever and arranged marriages break, even if they don’t on paper. Divorces weren’t prevalent in India. A marriage was considered sacred and still is. Divorces have been rising lately though, not because it is a legal agreement. But because of various genuine reasons as well.

Returning to the question of “When are you getting married,” there are many underlying aspects related to the decision behind this response, if one chooses to respond honestly that is. The most common honest response could be, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure.” Marriage is a union. Yes, it is a union of two families. But most importantly it is the union of two individual souls who decide to become one, through constant companionship, surrendering and love. It is a promise of mutual strengthing and support.

So each person needs time and space to introspect on the aspects related to the decision of marriage. Personal mental and financial confidance is extremely relevant before saying “I do” for another. One’s career and one’s understanding should align and/or compliment with the future spouse’s ambitions for a sucessful marriage. Most importantly, one must be able and willing to submit themselves completely to the union of marriage through independently conscious, mutual consent.

Today, young adults including myself, are faced with a plethora of realities, experiences (probably not long, but profound) and global cultures and tradition. The meaning of ‘love’ too keeps getting redefined, learned, unlearned an re-learned. There are women whom men are attracted to but have no emotion for. There is also the case where they love a woman like no one else and maybe even find attractive but not in a sexual way. There could also be women who give their heart and soul to a person they believe is their soulmate. But then again, broken hearts of women could sometimes even be blinded by the wounds of past hurt that they can even believe that a virtuous man is in fact approaching them only to take advantage of them. It isn’t the fault of anyone. We can’t read minds, can we?

They say marriages are made in heaven, but there are everyday humans who aren’t legally allowed to get married in some countries despite living a life filled with love and companionship despite countless hardships. #pride

Now when I think about the quesion of “When are you getting married?” … I think, are they ready for the response? Can they understand the underlying realities associated with that question? In a world of changing realities, uncertain economies and information explosions that affect and form our minds; in a time of growing anxieties from tasks that shouldn’t naturally cause such, it is not always a simple answer. It sure is never easy. To understand the language of the heart, ones needs to listen to the heart amidst the noise of the new conditions of life we live in.

Q: “When are you getting married?”
A: Fate will lead me to mutual love. Mutual love will lead me to marriage. All else will abide by this fate.